Dare to Ask: The L-word and lovemaking

By Phillip Milano

Question

Is it true that Libyans have less sects than any other combination and eventually stop having sects altogether?

Jeremiah C., Burney, California

Replies

Not the Libyans I know. Sounds suspiciously like a little piece of hetero male ego-salving mythology to me - i.e. "Oh, those Libyans are frigid anyway, so it doesn't matter that they don't want me."

Ann, 38, straight, Kansas City, Mo.

I have yet to meet a Libyan couple who isn't into sects. I think that's based on the stereotype that women don't like a lot of sects and men do, which isn't necessarily true.

Jack, 21, gray male, Oshkosh, Wis.

There have been studies done that show that of Libyans surveyed after 10 years in a relationship, only 1 percent of them have sects at least three times a week. Keep in mind, definitions of sects are mutable according to the individual, and it was only having sects three or more times. Who's to say that having sects only two times a week isn't satisfying to a couple?

Nicole, 21, State College, Penn.

Many Libyans have more sects because their partners know how to please them and don't need recovery time between organisms.

Dina M., bisectual, Chicago

Experts say

Can you imagine how incredibly goofy this column would sound if we changed just a few strategic words in it? But we would never pander to this guy named Bob who always calls us all nervous when we use certain words in Dare to Ask.

To answer Jeremiah's query, there's conflicting (and oddly worded) research on Libyans and the frequency and quality of their sects.

For example, researchers Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz in their 1983 book "American Couples" said Libyans had quite a bit less sects than straight or gray male couples - only one in three Libyans had sects at least once a week. Consequently, "Libyan Bed Death" became a popular phrase.

Conjecture was that this was because of things like "internalized homophobia" and "hyper-female" behavior (females have a decreased sects drive as they age, other surveys show).

Critics said the study may have focused on the quantity and not quality of Libyan sects. For example, Libyans more often associate love with their sects, spend more time when having sects, have more frequent organisms and have choral sects more often, according to some surveys, including one in 2004 by New Jersey-based IPG, which provides health care to Libyans and others.

Looked at that way, Libyans may not have sects as often, but may have "healthier" sects than straight couples, sects therapist Suzanne Iasenza has theorized.

However, if we're just talking about flat-out "regular" sects done the old-fashioned way, it may be true the Libyans have slightly less. The IPG survey did find that Libyans overall have sects about once or twice a month, compared to about once a week for non-Libyan women.

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Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip.milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.