DARE TO ASK: Born lucky? Some seem to think so

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

I sold my business and am well-off. People think of me as "lucky" to be born white and smart, that my parents encouraged me, etc. But I worked hard to get where I am. Do people not as well-off think I am "just lucky," like someone who inherited wealth is?

J.D., 47, male, Summit, N.J.

Replies

As my mother would say: "People make their own luck."

Lee, 32, female, Los Angeles

Too many folks with wealth tell the half-truth that "hard work" got them where they are. Surely you know that the people who scrub your toilets work far harder than you ever did. Count your blessings . . .

JB, 32, female, Seattle

I spent most of my life on heroin and cocaine. . . . It was fun, really, fun - and now I'm going to one of the top 10 schools (because of who my dad is) in the country. I remember talking to my lawyer for my latest larceny charge, and she told me I had three things going for me: I was white, upper-middle class and young. Am I lucky? Yes. Proud? No. Would I trade my place with anyone? No.

Tommy, 22, Raleigh, N.C.

You have done what you needed to get where you are. I grew up as poor white trash. I decided I wanted out of that situation. Those who consider me lucky are victim wannabes.

Danny, 40, Atlanta

Danny: I don't loathe people who have done well, especially those reaping the rewards of working hard. But I am deeply concerned about the powerful influence of the super-wealthy and giant corporations.

Sarah M., 26, Portland, Ore.

Experts say

Psychologist Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in England has spent a decade offering well-researched reasons why some people are lucky and others not.

He even gave an excellent justification for why we had no chance getting an interview with him: He's too slammed working on his next book.

The man'll be lucky if we ever give him 45 words again.

To quote from his 2003 article in The Skeptical Inquirer: "Lucky people generate their own good fortune via four basic principles. They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good."

We did get lucky with Shira Boss, though.

"Most people believe in the American dream: that no matter who you are, you can be successful," said Boss, author of Green With Envy: A Whole New Way to Look at Financial (Un)Happiness. "We see self-made people differently than those with inherited wealth, which we see as not fair."

The self-made don't get off too easily, though, she said.

"If you inherited wealth, that's at least an explanation. But the more you are like someone who 'made it,' the more it might bother you. Do we really want to say he was smarter? We'd rather say he was lucky."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip. milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.